很久沒有感冒了，距離上次感冒至少3年了吧！日前週末突然開始發燒，當時沒有喉嚨痛，但喉嚨的確有怪怪、卡卡的感覺，所以還是忐忑地做了快篩。好險快篩結果是陰性。接下來就是一連串的感冒症狀：畏寒、喉嚨痛、鼻塞、流鼻水……欠了3年的免疫負債一次還給妳，直到現在，還是喉嚨有痰卡卡、忍不住想清喉嚨。
喜愛的甜食飲品一碰就咳，但少吃甚至不喝也沒有因此變瘦。這中間還老了一歲，跨過我和昔日友人少女時期最恐慌的那道年紀門檻。她總是說，過了這個門檻就熟透了，熟透了接著就只能腐爛。那麼多年過去了，如今回想起那時候正經八百的分析，卻不免覺得荒謬。還有3、40年要走呢。老公買了我們兩人的生日蛋糕，但當時仍反覆低燒的我看得到、吃不了，只能看著老公吃。想著想著，真令人感傷，唉。
感冒沒有完全好，這幾天經常請假，晚到早退，也算是另一種響應「多休息，適當排休，以維持身心健康」公司政策的體現吧。週末也總是在家休息，看了一些距今3、40年的電影，以下簡單記錄一下心得。
昨天看完了Netflix的《神棄之地》，先說缺點吧，這是一部步調緩慢、沉重、黑暗甚至「近乎病態」的電影，如果只是因為喜歡參與演出的眾多大小明星，一開始可能會看得有點痛苦，像我腦公只看了20分鐘就決定放棄、大喊「這群人到底在幹嘛啦，我受不了了！！」 ，決定進房間滑他的手機遊戲，留我一人在陰暗的客廳，沉迷在詭譎的電影氛圍中，看得津津有味（XD）
若能捱過前面近半小時的鋪陳，劇情將從Tom Holland飾演的青年Arvin登場開始變得稍微精彩一些。那些父母輩的「冤孽」再次壟罩Arvin和其沒有血緣的妹妹Lenora：只能以暴制暴的霸凌、近乎執迷的信仰、對色慾與金錢的強烈慾望等等。即便與兄妹倆無關，（命運或天意）也硬要把兄妹倆捲進來，使之受騙、掙扎、墜落，跌入永無止境的悲慘循環之中。
最精彩的對手戲當屬Arvin和新上任的牧師（Robert Pattinson飾演）的「對決」。這兩位之前在2017年的電影《失落之城（The Lost City of Z）》有合作過，當時已能看出Tom Holland有飾演憤世嫉俗小夥子的潛力，如今在《神棄之地》中，他飾演的Arvin先是為了保護所愛之人而選擇傷人，接著為了「復仇」而決定殺人，在多重心境轉換之際，時而理所當然，時而掙扎無奈，配上他孩子氣的臉龐和身形，格外讓人同情。
Robert Pattinson這次的演出雖然不差（那個南方口音有夠「輕浮」），拐騙小女孩的舉手投足竟能同時流露出「帥氣」和「噁心」這兩種令人矛盾的氣場（只能說我《暮光之城》中毒太深，無法想像他演變態啊），令人聯想到他另一個「浮誇」的反派腳色（《國王》中的法國腔也很令人驚艷），更讓人期待他在新版蝙蝠俠電影中會帶來怎樣耳目一新的表現。
They're gonna stick you in an insane asylum where, slowly, you will be adjusted.上述文字簡直完美詮釋Ted的「惡夢」，但他的惡夢卻也是當代人類社會期許每一個男男女女都該「擁有」或「達成」或「令人欣羨」的目標：學歷，工作，薪水，房子，車子，手機，各式各樣帶來便利、舒適與成就感的科技產品…Fitzgerald的咄咄逼人對照Ted的一臉驚恐，有那麼一瞬間觀眾會忘了Ted是造成多人傷亡的殺人兇手，甚至對他產生同情，認同他才是被體制霸凌的受害者。
Pills, electroshock therapy, threat, punishment, reward, till finally you're cured.
It might take years, but it's gonna happen.
You will be normal, and you'll rejoin society.
You'll get a credit card, an apartment, business casual wardrobe, you know, some of those tops with the penguins on them.
And you'll get a job behind a desk where you'll work obediently 9:00 to 5:00, and your first paycheck, you get a cellphone.
Next one, you get a TV.
You know, if you splurge, you can get yourself a Nintendo.
And every night, you fall asleep watching that TV.
And every weekend, you're gonna go to the mall.
You're gonna walk around circuit city.
You're gonna look at the big-screen tvs and think, "should I get myself a 20-incher?" Or should I just keep saving up for the 27-incher? "I don't know.
" And, as you're thinking about this, slurping on your orange Julius, somebody's gonna recognize you and say, "weren't you that Unabomber guy," you know, the guy that wrote all that stuff "and killed all those people?" And you'll go, "yeah, that was me", but I was very sick.
"But I got help, and I'm much, much better now, thank you.
" And then you're gonna go back to watching your tvs.
And you won't even remember that you wanted anything more than this.
See, Ted, you predicted all this in your Manifesto.
"Many tame and conformist types seem to have a powerful need" to depict the enemy of society as sick so as to delegitimize "their valid complaints against society.
" This cabin used to be a symbol of moral courage, and now they're just gonna point it and say you've got to be insane to live this way.
Fitz: I just don't know when I started to feel so powerless.我也很喜歡第六集對Ted的童年還有大學時期的刻劃，推薦我看這部劇的老公卻認為這集很無聊，有點牽強，但我總覺得探討「罪人」的源起是一部作品很重要的部分，沒有人生來就是邪惡的，在犯下殘忍罪刑的很久很久之前，每個人都是可愛的小baby，單純的青少年，求知旺盛，渴望認同，Ted和弟弟David的相處，從合作蓋小木屋，到爭執，還有疏遠，最後只剩孤獨的寫信傾訴，如同Ted在第六集尾聲的想像，他也曾渴望成為人父，成為愛人，究竟是哪個環節哪個時間點出了差錯？
Natalie: We all feel that way, everyone does.
Fitz: Yeah, we all feel like that, but what do we do about it? Nothing. We like it. We like feeling trapped, crushed. I guess freedom is far more terrifying than slavery.
Natalie: There's nothing to do. That's life. We suck it up, and we live.
Fitz: But that's not life. That's sleepwalking. Watching TV, eating trash, working to become something for someone else. Nobody doesn't something, nobody even tries. Nobody except for Ted!
Natalie: Yeah, but Fitz, he's the Unabomber. He's evil.（劇本逐字稿，來源：https://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/manhunt-unabomber/page-4.html，Fitzgerald的心聲就是我的心聲啊啊啊～他的困惑也是我的困惑！好險理智的Natalie提醒了他。）
Hey, Gil? But you're a sheep, and you're living in a world of sheep.
And because you're all sheep, because all you can do is obey, I can reach out and touch anyone anywhere. （劇本逐字稿，來源：https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=manhunt-unabomber-2017&episode=s01e01）
【延伸】國鳳2015年2月寫的讀書心得，有完全劇透，慎入：
2015年書單：《娃娃屋（The Miniaturist）》
https://heixinhu.blogspot.tw/2015/02/2015the-miniaturist.html
